Today I cannot help but thinking of the song Opposite Attract by Paula Abdul
“Baby, it seems we never ever agree
You like the movies and I like TV
I take things serious and you take 'em light
I go to bed early and I party all night
Our friends are sayin' we ain't gonna last
'Cause I move slowly and baby, I'm fast
I like it quiet and I love to shout
But when we get together, it just all works out
I take two steps forward; I take two steps back
We come together 'cause opposites attract”
Human experience is built in dualities. We often have an experience, and we measure it with duality’s terminology. It was good or it was bad or on the scale of something in between. There is a positive measure or a negative one. Based on our value systems, which are built on our past experiences and beliefs. Every thought we have has some sort of guidance to measure or guide us through that thought and categorise it into one of two opposing columns. We cannot fully understand something unless we have experienced both ends of that experience.
It’s much like we know what we don’t want so we can understand better what we do want. The more you dive into an experience or a negative one for example the more you realise how much you don’t want it and therefore the opposite of that is what you really want. It’s just much harder to define what you really want and stay with it, because of our past that comes in to question it repeatedly.
I am now more than 7months pregnant and so close to have that baby I have wanted for so long, that I am now going through the transition of stopping work and be fully present for my baby. I didn’t expect this to be as challenging as it is. I am forced to reduce hours as my feet cannot handle the pressure of standing for too long as well as my belly is truly getting in the way. I am called in to write an email to finalise my last few weeks with all my dear and supportive clients. At the same time, I am given an opportunity to rest and nest at home and I am not enjoying it as much as I thought I would. What I’m sharing is simply an interesting space where I am experiencing both joy and sadness. Bursts of energy and deep fatigue. Excitement and fear of what’s coming. Anxiety and calm in my body. All of which sometimes is experienced at the same time. I guess that’s what wholeness, is all about. The ability to hold space for all those opposites at the same time. It’s just while I’m learning to do that, I am noticing moments of procrastination. Or maybe I am just defining it that way. Maybe it’s just me in my truth. Resting and preparing. Conserving and prioritising. I guess I just need to come to terms with this change. No wonder Mother Nature has chosen 9 months for that process as it requires that persistence, patience, love, curiosity, and adaptability to every single change in my body, my mind, and my environment.
I’ve been practicing silence gratitude to the creation within my body. What I mean by that is that I haven’t pulled out my gratitude journal or even any other journal for that matter, I’ve been simply sitting and admiring the process, enjoying it, humming to it. It makes me smile and makes me connected to my body and higher self all at the same time. Such a joy. Such a blessing.
The other part of me, my head, is going through huge to-do lists and reminding me that there is still a lot to do and that sitting around like that will not help that process of getting things done. Yes, I’m talking about my other baby of more than 15 years. It’s coming to a point that I need to wrap things up for a little while. The not knowing for how long or where I’ll be back is giving me such an uneasy feeling and I must let it go. I cannot control what the future holds exactly, but I can control or change how it makes me feel.
Everyday I’ve been giving a little attention to each of my babies (sort of speak), business and baby bump, I already notice that giving full attention to each at the same time is not possible, therefor I must learn and adapt to accommodate both at the same time. Like the duality in experiences, I described before. Only they are not so opposite in the experience or in their meaning to me. They are on the same end of the stick. I just need to make space for both at different times. While I’m still trying to figure out the how and the when, I know for sure that they are both important to me just not both at the same exact time.
I know this sounds a little messy and confusing, perhaps it really doesn’t need to be, and I am simply making it that way. The point that I’m trying to make is that, when I connect to my inner being, my higher self, and to the power of the Devine I find a true ease and a magical flow. It’s when I get to the step by step on how to bring it all about exactly that I stumble and fall into a funky hole that seems harder to climb out of by the minute.
As there is more extensive and proven research on how a mother’s feelings and experiences can affect her baby and their own beliefs in the future, I am so aware of how and what I feel as well as my environment and the people in it. I think in every other circumstance we might use the word judgment but in this case it’s a simple choice between what I believe is good or bad for me and my baby. Especially my baby. I wonder if this is where a person’s value system begins to build… In the womb. It’s interesting to me that I may have noticed and reacted to things differently since I learned that study. I’m pretty sure I knew of it for a long time but now I get to action on it. That feels good and intentional. It feels purposeful.
Living and leading with purpose.
Is it a thing that us humans do? We change gears when it comes to caring and giving for other people, but it’s less driven when it’s just about us. Why is that?
I may be jumping into a whole other topic right now, I’d like to think that I mostly lived my life with integrity, but that is probably a lie. I certainly tried to, but now I can honestly say that If I promise something to myself or my child to be, or anything that involves the life of that baby, I keep my word and I always consider what is good for them is good for me and our environment. The other day I heard a friend explaining his daughter: “sometimes we have to do somethings that we don’t like to do, but we have to do”. I cannot even remember what that was all about, all I remember is that it made me pause and think about that. Such a simple comment made to break whatever resistant she may have had a that time, but I paused because I felt triggered. Do I do that? What I tell that to my child? I bet he didn’t think too much about it when he said it. Clearly removing any choice here and merely suggesting that in life we may be doing things we don’t like or disagree with, but for the goodness of the whole picture, the whole family or for something bigger than us that we cannot really see right now, but someone older and maybe wiser than us can.
What does that have to do with duality??
Well, it jumped into my head as I was looking for ways to connect our intuitive and deliberate actions while it involves someone else as opposed to just us, who maybe not always have the best interest for ourselves, because we don’t want to hurt someone else, or we don’t want to make a fuss, or we take that one or the team. When it involves or when we affect someone else, we operate with more integrity and purpose. On the other hand, simply demonstrated by this father (who I have no doubt is great at teaching his little girl some good lessons in life) have simply said it as it is. Even when we don’t like to do it, we do it (for the support of a bigger cause).
That presented a whole other aspect of duality of emotions in actions. We recognise the presence of two different and opposing feelings, and we can contain them both. With a gentle, kind, and full heart act from a wholesome and grounded place.
I am so grateful for the lessons that are available to me wherever I go, what grabs my attention now, gets my full pursuit, as everything is intensified within me. My blood flow and blood supply, my senses are on high alert, as well as my feelings and emotions that are finding a bigger space to hold them all, sometimes at the same time. Such a wonderful and expansive experience, a pure demonstration of the connection between the healthy trio of physical(pregnant), emotional(feelings) and chemical(hormonal), in my case during this blessed pregnancy.
Happy Valentine’s day Kings and Queens.
Love always,
Maya xx